Parenting time, not custody or visitation

Many people know the system where one parent pays another parent for the costs associated with raising the couple’s children as custody. Many people will also refer to the time with kids as visitation.  But the more accurate terms that courts and family law attorneys prefer to use are decision-making and parenting time. The key distinction is that the term custody implies ownership, and parents don’t own their children.

Decision-making and parenting time are preferred because they recognize that your children are their own people and that neither you nor your spouse is the owner of them.  Decision-making addresses how the major decisions in your children’s lives will be made.  Parenting time is a determination of when the children will be with each parent.

When you are discussing your kids with your attorney, use the terms parenting time and decision-making. A parenting plan will outline where the children will live, what time each parent will spend with the children, who will make parenting decisions and how, the child’s holiday and vacation schedules and how vacation time will be split.

Financial disclosures

As part of a divorce or legal separation, the court will likely require both parties to file a series of financial disclosures. These disclosures will be used to help divide any marital property as well as award any maintenance or child support that may be required.

Colorado follows an ‘equitable division’ in dividing marital property meaning that the court is seeking to divide the property fairly, which doesn’t always mean equally. Regardless, it’s important for you to be aware that if you don’t disclose some of your assets, you can be subject to sanctions or fees from the court.

There are mandatory disclosures that you must file in some cases, regardless of whether you are employed, self-employed or unemployed.

Those can include a completed financial statement, income tax returns, personal financial statements, business financial statements, real estate documents, a list of personal debts and investments, retirement plans, banking documents and any other income documents you may have. A complete list can be seen here.

If you are self-employed, there are additional considerations to keep in mind for this reporting. While the Internal Revenue Service allows a range of things to be written off as business expenses, everything that you include as a tax write off are included as part of the calculation for maintenance and child support.

Domestic relations decision makers and arbitrators

In 2006, the state passed a law that helps courts work through particularly high conflict family law cases. The law formalized what many courts had been doing in family law for years, which was appointing parenting coordinators or domestic relations decision makers in cases where the couples needed a third party to help navigate their dispute.

There are three levels of resources a court may use. The first is a parenting coordinator, which was discussed in this post (link to previous post). In some instances though, a parenting coordinator may not be appropriate. The court may use a domestic relations decision maker in other instances, where the parties need more intervention or oversight.

A domestic relations decision maker is given binding authority to resolve disputes between the parties as to the implementation or clarification of existing orders regarding the parties’ children, including but not limited to: disputes concerning parenting time; specific decisions regarding a child like medical care or schooling; and child support. Both parties must agree in writing to use a decision maker, and the parties will create a written agreement that specifies that person’s role. This person’s role is not to create a new parenting plan but to ensure that the existing plan is implemented as written. If the parties need to modify their existing agreement, they will have to return to court to do so.

The final level a court may use in a high-conflict family law case is arbitration. This process involves a much more formal approach because an arbitrator has the ability to modify or change the rights and interests of the parties. Like the decision-maker, the parties will create an agreement with the arbitrator that outlines the arbitrator’s authority and limitations.

To learn more about these resources, here’s a helpful article.

The role of parenting coordinators

In 2006, Colorado lawmakers formalized a process that many courts had been using for years, that allowed judges to appoint parenting coordinators in family law cases. Before the law passed, there was no consensus on the use of domestic relations or parenting decision makers.

Gov. Bill Owens signed a law in 2006 that provides a framework for professional intervention in family law cases that includes parenting coordinators, domestic relations decision-makers and arbitrators.

The goal of the law was to help provide resources for high-conflict cases. There are three levels of assistance that allow courts to specialize the intervention for each case.

The first level of intervention calls for a parenting coordinator, who is a trained, neutral party who assists in the resolution of disputes between the parties concerning parental responsibilities, including the implementation of court-ordered parenting plans. The coordinator’s work will include helping the parties create a mutually agreed-upon parenting plan; developing rules or guidelines that the parents should use when communicating with one another; suggesting resources the parents can use in those communications as well as suggesting other parenting resources; helping the parties identify the sources and causes of conflicts and then helping the parents find ways to minimize those conflicts.

These parenting coordinators will serve in their roles for a certain period, but no longer than two years (unless the parties agree to extend the appointment), and the court will specify how the parties will pay for the coordinator’s services. These individuals can be an invaluable resource for both parents during what can be a very difficult time, so you should consider using them to help you find the right solution for your family.

To read more about parenting coordinators, read this article.

Preparing for child custody mediation

Parents who are navigating the divorce process are increasingly using mediation to help set up custody agreements and parenting plans. The mediation process can be useful for parents who want the help of a neutral third party to develop a long-term parenting plan for their kids that is mutually acceptable to both parents.

Research has shown that use of a mediator during this process can help ease the stress and transition that kids may experience during divorce. Additionally, parents report being more satisfied with the mediation process that the court or litigation process to establish custody and parental agreements.

The success of the mediation process, however, relies on both parents being open-minded and willing to negotiate for the sake of the children. Before you attend a mediation, consider talking with your attorney about all of the options, and even developing a list of your parenting goals so that you have a reference point throughout the process.

This helpful article also includes a list of Do’s and Don’t’s for Mediation:

Do focus on your child's needs.

Don't focus exclusively on your own needs.

Do think of custody as a separate issue relating only to what is best for your child.

Don't discuss child support or property when trying to resolve your parenting plan.

Do acknowledge your child's special needs according to her age, temperament, and development.

Don't assume there is a standard plan that fits the needs of all children.

Do acknowledge the other parent's strengths and bring up only valid concerns about the other parent's ability to care for your child.

Don't bad-mouth the other parent.

Do acknowledge that your child needs time with both of you, in a safe environment, developed by a parenting plan.

Don't punish the other parent by withholding your children.

Do go to mediation prepared with:

A proposal for custody and a time-sharing plan

A calendar which identifies school holidays, your work schedule, your child's activities

A flexible and business-like attitude

Don't go to mediation unprepared.

Questions to consider before hiring your attorney

Questions to consider before hiring your attorney

Before you decide to work with an attorney, always do some initial research on them. Check out their website, research any reviews written about them, check out his or her office and make sure you’re comfortable. And always ask questions when you meet with them. Below is a list of some helpful questions to consider when hiring an attorney:

• How many divorce cases have you handled? Is divorce or family law your primary practice area?
•  Have you handled any cases similar to mine? How did you handle them?
• How heavy is your caseload? And how accessible are you throughout the process?
• Do you practice collaborative divorce?
• What is your theory about divorce? And how involved will I be in this process and the strategy behind the case?
•   How much do you charge?
•  How expensive will the entire process be?
• Are there other people in the office I will be working with? Can I meet them?
• Have you worked with my spouse’s attorney before?
•   How familiar are you with the family law judges?
• Do you have experience dealing with all the issues in my case? (child custody? Maintenance agreements?)

In addition to these, here’s a helpful list of additional questions you may consider. Many attorneys will charge a nominal fee for an initial consultation, and you should be prepared to ask your questions during this time. Get a feel for the attorney during this meeting and ask yourself whether you can see working with him or her.