College savings plan during divorce

While the divorce process might not be an ideal time to think about your long-term savings plan, it can be a useful starting point for a discussion about how you and your ex plan to pay for your children’s educational endeavors. Whether or not you and your ex agree on how you will pay for college or other educational pursuits, you can start saving for your kids’ future by opening a 529 College Savings Plan.

Almost every state now offers at least one type of 529 plan, and these plans can be used to meet the costs of qualified colleges nationwide. Most plans don’t affect your child’s choice of school, so you could have a Colorado plan that pays for your child’s school in another state.

Colorado offers a variety of these types of plans, but the goal for them is to help families set aside funds for future college costs. They are named for the section of the Internal Revenue Code that created these plans. The added benefit of setting some money aside in these plans each year is that they will likely offer you some federal tax benefits, so long as they meet a few basic requirements.

Still unsure about a 529 plan? Read more about the top 7 benefits of them here.

Managing conflict during divorce

During most conflicts, our fight or flight instincts kick in. When faced with a perceived threat, whether it’s verbal, physical, or in another form, we’re trained to flee or fight back, and both of these responses can be troublesome when the conflict arises during the divorce process. While it may be difficult to do, it’s important to stay calm, cool, and collected when you are faced with a conflict during your divorce.

If it’s possible for you and your soon-to-be ex to use an alternative to the traditional divorce method (litigation), you might consider a process like collaborative divorce that emphasizes a non-combative approach, and works to find a long-term mutually beneficial solution for all parties.

In addition you may want to speak with your attorney about minimizing contact with your ex. While you won’t be able to fully avoid speaking with him or her, it may be possible to have your attorneys work to exchange messages and information.

Other tips that can help you minimize conflict:

1.     Evaluate your feelings and attitudes about conflict so that you’re more aware of your reactions to when a conflict arises. Having some awareness of your tendencies during a conflict may help to minimize or change your behavior.

2.     Change your mindset about conflict. In many ways, conflict is inevitable when two people are working to end a relationship. However, conflict doesn’t have to bring on anger, resentment, or any other negative feelings; when framed in the right way, a conflict can be considered an opportunity.

3.     Work on your listening skills. While it may be difficult, one important change you can make when conflict arises, is to focus on your listening skills, in order to really hear what the other party is saying.

For more tips on working through a conflict, look through this article.

How to make your split as smooth as possible (with kids)

While research suggests that kids can adjust to a change in family dynamics within two years of a divorce, they may have a very difficult time getting through that time period. And some of them may show symptoms of the stress. Recent research suggests that divorce can impact children’s weight. If you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse have kids together, there are a few steps you can take to minimize the stress of a divorce.

1.     Develop a plan together for talking to your kids and explaining what will (and won’t) change through the divorce. Try to emphasize that your love for them won’t change, and let them ask questions. Be clear but avoid negative talk.

2.     Try to make change gradual when possible. Children do best when they have time to adjust to a change, so if possible, avoid moving kids to a new home right away. Also consider minimizing other changes after the divorce (i.e, maintaining their schedules, keeping them in the same schools, etc.)

3.     Keep lines of communication open with both parents. Research suggests that kids who have a poor relationship with one or both parents may have a harder time dealing with family upheaval.

4.     Avoid conflict around the kids. Keep your conversations with your soon-to-be-ex between the two of you.

How to make your divorce as smooth as possible (no kids)

When couples decide that divorce is necessary, both partners will likely endure a roller coaster of emotions. When kids are involved, the entire family may struggle with how to process the change.

Regardless of whether you have children or not, good communication can be one of the most effective methods for dealing with divorce. Talking to your soon-to-be-ex –spouse may not be on top of your list, but communication is a healthy way to process the emotions you’re experiencing.

The American Psychological Association suggests that it may be helpful to create an agenda or list of topics you want to discuss before you meet. It’s best to do this when you’re feeling calm and clear headed. Have your soon-to-be-ex do the same thing. Then you can use your lists as a guide for the discussion. Research indicates that this may take some of the emotion out of face-to-face discussions.

If you feel in-person discussions might be too emotional, consider having the conversation through email, but try to avoid using negative or angry language.

You should also remember to take time for yourself as you process the divorce. As you work through the emotional cycle, consider trying a new activity or joining a new group. And try to stay physically healthy by eating right and exercising.

Surprising ways that divorce affects your health

For anyone who has experienced a divorce, it might not come as a surprise that divorce can have a drastic health impact on those going through it. If you or someone you know is going through a divorce, you should know that the emotional strain of a divorce may cause some significant health problems, a few of which can become long term issues, if not treated.

Among the chief health concerns that divorce causes are insomnia, a weakened immune system, heart disease, and weight gain. Many of these, and other health issues, are tied to the stress that individuals feel going through a divorce.

In order to avoid these complications, experts suggest a few tips. First, ensure that you lean on your support network. Talk to friends, family member, or mental health professionals about the stress you’re experiencing. Also ensure that you’re eating healthy foods and focusing on regular exercise. Meditation, yoga or some other mindfulness exercises may also help you focus on the positive and not get overwhelmed. Regardless, ensure that you’re spending enough time on you and healing, and you may be able to minimize the physiological effects of divorce.