Managing conflict during divorce

During most conflicts, our fight or flight instincts kick in. When faced with a perceived threat, whether it’s verbal, physical, or in another form, we’re trained to flee or fight back, and both of these responses can be troublesome when the conflict arises during the divorce process. While it may be difficult to do, it’s important to stay calm, cool, and collected when you are faced with a conflict during your divorce.

If it’s possible for you and your soon-to-be ex to use an alternative to the traditional divorce method (litigation), you might consider a process like collaborative divorce that emphasizes a non-combative approach, and works to find a long-term mutually beneficial solution for all parties.

In addition you may want to speak with your attorney about minimizing contact with your ex. While you won’t be able to fully avoid speaking with him or her, it may be possible to have your attorneys work to exchange messages and information.

Other tips that can help you minimize conflict:

1.     Evaluate your feelings and attitudes about conflict so that you’re more aware of your reactions to when a conflict arises. Having some awareness of your tendencies during a conflict may help to minimize or change your behavior.

2.     Change your mindset about conflict. In many ways, conflict is inevitable when two people are working to end a relationship. However, conflict doesn’t have to bring on anger, resentment, or any other negative feelings; when framed in the right way, a conflict can be considered an opportunity.

3.     Work on your listening skills. While it may be difficult, one important change you can make when conflict arises, is to focus on your listening skills, in order to really hear what the other party is saying.

For more tips on working through a conflict, look through this article.